Beyond Cover To Cover.

Do you ever consider, the makings of a book? well, let that sit in your mind as you read through this.

* First we begin with the easy stuff such as: title, introductions, publishing rights.

Otherwise it could be looked at as a young person of any age starting to get a glimpse of the world that surrounds them or at least their environment. Sometimes it’s a wonderful start and their able to keep their spirits up, other times it’s rough even with many extra preparations, studying, and cultivation of many skills.

* Then comes the second half in a novel, referred to as: body, middle or the extremely unknown.

This is where one stumbles, grows and makes mistakes, where few are fixed or tended to. With some things left undone and becoming afterthoughts of a certain path that once was and maybe it wasn’t for the better. A place such as this is where ridicule and hash judgement is put upon the author as if they haven’t had rough times in their life.

* Next is the third part in these virtual bindings but one could refer to it as life.

Here, the reader is nearing the end, expecting the worst and hoping for the best of their unknown beloved barely talked of background character. Also, this spot in which a readers mind is made like a bed that’s been laid upon, yields to no whims. So, the person who finished reading didn’t enjoy it as much but you wrote it for you, in the end.

* After that hurdle of late nights and long hours of writing there’s special mentions, future sequels, and additional insights.

Almost as uninteresting as the beginning but that doesn’t mean it is less because time was taken to make choices to get from one point to another and the next one after that. Sometimes there are important people who help guide you in the beginning or only at one point in your life, but the messy stuff and times that we cry but push on can give us a hardcover binding to meet the demands of many things that we as individuals may want to do.

* Lastly for this end could be met by another cover or say the close on a certain chapter in your life as you start a different one.

To some a new start is exciting and to few others it’s terrifying then again their might be someone in between trying to hold on to both. Though regardless at where in life or part of our own book we might be we should respect or just kindly accept that not everyone has the same goals or destinations as we do or what we might want or see for them.

* The bindings, spine and outsides of a book are decent and just as important as the inside.

I’ve never been one to care to much of my looks but there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself which ever many or little ways you find important. Nonetheless, how we look can on the outside can differ what we feel or think on the inside and that is why we must try to upkeep both or many aspects of our personal well-being.

Questions:

– Does it really matter where we are at in life, if we can make a difference to those in our life and many around us?

– How do you enjoy yourself even when others don’t like your choices?

– What allows you to stay strong on the inside?

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Faded Within. (Poem)

Their close to me and rarely seen.

Yet there is little gleam.

Holding it, from the grasp of sight.

Oh, what ominous unfortunate night.

With this shattered but you won’t ever believe.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

Trying to talk, but only their sound they hear.

It was unbearable to be, with what you did.

Never truly knowing what is.

Thinking I was less than this.

Forgetting how the past was once better.

Life felt like a bottomless ocean, trying to make me consider.

Wandering more aimlessly than ever, in any season of this life.

No predictions of how to move forward.

This board I once reign over was now fragmented from its lacquer.

It all felt as if gravity came foreign to me.

For sometime, like most of it, I was alone.

Views were twisted over and under and outwardly.

Could barely grasp that what happened, you see.

Maybe I don’t have to be my own worst enemy.

Astoundingly there was still some light, left for me.

I knew I didn’t want to sulk in this self pity.

There was no reason, for me, not to like me.

Things happen and there not always meant to be controlled.

So howling winds with gloomy sights.

Helped me find the star that night.

Trying to inch forward from what once was.

Leaving behind what made me feel so numb.

As if a canvas already painted could become undone and recreated.

Appreciating the strength of not giving in anymore.

Breathing in, that was mine, not to ignore.

Nor was disregarding what was obscured but over turned.

The love that I thought I lost in those dark times.

They are things that shall always be mine.

Poem Titled: Faded Within by Preshes Jenkins, writer of Preshes Blogs.

Disrupting Formations.

This is on the topic of appearances and how mine has changed because of my new diet, it’s a sensitive matter to bring up but it is important. So I don’t want to become a monster who acts entirely different because of my weight change due to my diet of a few years. Yet, I don’t want to keep feeling like it’s “fine” or “no issue” when others make me feel bad because of it. Where can one discover middle ground when talking and silence doesn’t seem to help anyone?

I mean in terms of talking about my diet it is barely heard because others tend to talk over me. Then, when they say things about my weight and appearance improvement, I can’t get a word in, but am kindly being torn apart because of things that I have a level of zilch amount control over. Sometimes I say thanks and make up some excuse about needing to tend to or find my cats because I can’t stand for the toxicity that usually follows. I mean my excuse isn’t a far off one because sometimes my cats do get anxious when I am gone for long amount of time.

It is very odd that most of my life I was teased because of being chubby and big, I mean aside from when I was an infant. Actually many people, even adults found me sorta intimidating due to my tall height along with my heavy weight. Yet, contrary to what they thought of my appearance I wasn’t as terrifying as I might have looked. So now I am trying to adapt and cope to my now current appearance which many have more positive words to say, depending how you look at it.

If it’s not obvious, I am still trying to accept how I look, especially because of my change in diet and weight loss that came with it. there are some aspects of my body that are now small and other parts that seem less than unnerved. I’m more than alright with it until I am around people that I know will almost always comment about it or find a way to bring it up into conversation, so distant from the topic being talked on. Also, I am not trying to make anyone feel displaced because of your size, I was just trying to share my own issues and frustrations on this matter

I mean there are times when I look at it as nice, sweet even then other times I am appalled by what was said and how could someone I personally know say unthoughtful remarks at all to anyone about their appearance or diet. I don’t like the feeling of having to hold my breath but that’s what it feels like when everyone wants to bring up my weight, as if there is nothing else that makes me who I am. Anyways, I look forward to rolling with the criticism and sharing more about it when I get a firm grasp on standing up for the person that I am now, in light of how I look or will change in that aspect.

Questions:

– When do you feel the need to impede on someone who might find it easy to make you feel uncomfortable about things that you can’t quickly or easily change to suit their needs?

– Who do you confide in at times with very sensitive topics and why does it help to go to that person?

– What do you do, to keep your self esteem up in terms of feeling out of place?

The Unpicturesque.

What makes people think dieting or changing of your diet is so easy? I mean I knew from a young age dieting was hard but the fact of people constantly making me feel like I have to keep up with my diet or “I’ll put on weight” is unsettling. I mean just because someone thinks you look good one way but before was unpleasant and they dauntingly make it known. I don’t like that they make me feel bad for the changes that I make in my diet, or how different I look because of the big amount of weight I lost. Also, I find it really tough to be in the same room as them because they make a huge deal of the things that I eat or how it’s so plain looking or how it might look and smell like animal meat.

This is why I tend to steer clear of people when eating, before it was just eating in public I was conscious about as a kid that carried on strongly as an adult. Though, I never felt so anxious to even eat with my family until my diet change of taking out animal meat and everything else I started to remove from my diet after, just went down hill. What I mean is much of my family has started to treat me differently and it makes me feel very unwelcome like I don’t fit into my family. I mean it’s not like I felt like I fitted in much into my family from the start but the rift just keeps growing, no matter how much I try to connect to or talk about old things or similar new things cause I feel they just see me as “vegan” or my “diet” stereotype and nothing else.

Honestly, it deeply hits me emotionally that my family does interact with me, in an entirely other way than they’ve ever treated me, my whole life. I never fully thought I would feel so uncomfortable around many people in my family because of the change in my diet and lifestyle. There are many times that I feel like I have to stay one way and if I change there will be more ridicule or passively back handed remarks on it. I am not saying that there’s anything wrong with being what size you are but that’s how my family makes me feel. Actually I liked being big and didn’t realize I would even lose much weight by changing my diet and lifestyle. In hindsight that was never in the forefront of my mind for even taking out animal meat, along with animal by products that I used to consume.

The reason that I changed what I ate was that doctors weren’t able to help me with the health issues I was facing, so I tried something when I felt like giving up on everything because I got fed up with feeling constantly sick inside and my face always looking pale. If I could change something or improve, it would be how my family views my new ways of eating. This is so I wouldn’t feel bad for not eating like them or of the old things I used to eat. Anyhow don’t let others discourage you from changes you want to make with your diet or the important things you care about.

Questions:

– How does your family make you feel because of your diet or eating habits?

– Why do you feel they treat you differently or less than because of your diet change or eating habits or difference in physical appearance?

Site You Later.

~Anxiety About Blog Site~

– More time spent on technology. (which I try to keep to a minimum and stay off of. Maybe if I chose a different major in college I wouldn’t be so burnt out from using basic electronically devices.)

– Accessibility/Constant Upkeep. (I have anxiety over many things and try not to add to the endless list but face my worries at times.)

– Blog on or blog not. (I’m always kind of in between and am not sure if I’ll stick with it)

– Security/Privacy. (There’s more responsibility and things to consider with your own site/domain. Also, your the one that people will have to come to if any issues or inquiries.)

* Sometimes when I go shopping there are 6 different types or more of certain veggies like tomatoes and carrots for example. This always gives me a huge amount of anxiety sometimes to the point where I feel like piquing. Indecisiveness + 15 extra mins + 2 types of each = $6 more bucks.

~Optimism for Blog Site~

– Additional Web Page Designing & Creative Liberties.

– More freedom to write expressively.

– Taking this hobby more serious.

– More availability to others

* This is a bit of humor on the subtitle but when I was a young teen, I used to say “roll out decpticons”. This was usually after someone would say “let’s go auto bots“ or something relating to optimist prime. Lately I’ve been mentioning my blogging to others more casually and it feels less scary or awkward to talk about, even when some people just scoff or undermine it all together. I guess the same could be said about mentioning my vegan diet when people ask why I look different or healthier or more lively. It all gets a little less bothersome the more I bring up those things about me that are different when relevant or appropriate or needed.

~Realities Regardless of Blog site or Not~

– Additional things such as graphics, fancy fonts, videos aren’t a shoe in, at bringing in more people to read your blog.

– Improving interaction and communication with others at your own pace, don’t stress yourself out.

– Knowing what you write about to inform, enlighten or entertain others.

– Always having to put in effort.

* Some of the best things are done with consideration and other things as best left to being spontaneous but if you deal with anxiety then you might have to wrestle with yourself at how much you’ll do a random act.

Questions:

– How do you improve and upkeep your blogs content regardless of having your own site for it or not or somewhere in the midst of that?

– What are some of your worries when considering your own site for your blog, online store or other forms of adverts?

– Is there any positives to having your own site that you would like to share?

* Remember, try not to entirely compare yourself or your blog style to someone else, just do what you are happy with. Also, mini tip of the day or night, your personality and blog is best seen/noticed when you be yourself and not like someone else.

More Dietary Changes.

So for those of you that don’t know, I am Vegan as of recently. Anyways, I constantly have to take things out of my diet to adapt to my ever changing metabolism and digestive system which has always been slow in functioning. The following are types of foods I really love and grew up on, but I notice my body reacting differently to them, without further ado.

Foods I am trying to take/keep out of my diet.

– Highly processed vegan products (mock meats, tofu turk slices, plant based Chick’n tenders. I can make many things taste like regular animal meat and they come close but getting chicken/turkey flavor down is hard even with 10 plant based and vegan cookbooks. Though I am decent at making tofu/mushrooms taste like hamburger or ground beef, which sometimes fools my family who aren’t vegan or vegetarian. However I do like these for when I am feeling sick or lazy or am low on veggies but I usually eat them 3 times a week and less)

– Breads, pasta, certain grains and rice. (I’ve even tried gluten free versions which sit lighter in my stomach but are still uncomfortable. The fact is I feel like I can’t eat anything else after eating one of these foods. It’s odd cause I grew up on these and ate them way too often, easily had them as leftovers or with other foods and grew up on what ever we could get. Now I can’t even consume leftovers more than a full day, but I used to eat food for a week until it was done along with the rest of my family when I was on a carnivorous diet that I grew up knowing).

– Soup or liquid after eating a solid food, salad or bread. (I get bloated quickly if I do consume something of liquid nature after other foods now and it is best for me to drink 30 minutes or an hour before a meal if possible. Sometimes I have trouble digesting Vegan friendly cereal and non dairy plant based milk. Anyhow I am just taking my time with these noticeable issues I’ve been having concerning my eating lately as to better adapt to them and not panic even more about it).

Maybe my body is growing a intolerance for all the things that were not good for my body and it will let me enjoy the fresher things still. Who knows my body might be doing me some good favors letting me know a lot quicker the things that I can’t handle as to become healthier but remaining respectful of everyone’s diet or preferences when it comes to food and even life choices.

Questions:

– How have you made and accepted diet changes in your life?

– What helps motivate you to keep to your diet?